you know when you told me about your friend who cries over not being able to save e world. i couldn't help but feel that i'm e same way too.

i spend so many sleepless nights thinking about how i can make a bloody difference in this world. how i can make my existence meaningful or worthwhile. how to leave my mark on this world.

and this is probably e biggest reason why i'm fretting about going back. e mindset society back home has towards 'non-economic' achievements is brutal, depressing and rather materialistic i suppose. i mean who doesn't appreciate having money. i appreciate money a hell lot. haha. but at e same time, what is e point if i lie on my deathbed 60, 70 years in e future and e only thing i've got to show for my life achievements are e numbers in my bank, which i can't take with me or won't follow my existence in this world anyway. i don't want to lie there and regret not doing what i wanted to do in my lifetime.

i think i'm going to have to write this massive reminder on my wall. to remind myself of what i want in life. what i want to be. where i want to go. give me 6 years and i swear i will get there.

ps. fuck you. you have no right to dismiss my aim -.-